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In Morocco whenever you say, “Tomorrow I will…”, of “Next year we will…”, “Or someday, I hope…” the people say, “Inshallah,” which means “If God wills.” Your statement becomes, “Tomorrow, Inshallah, I will visit Fes Medina.” I think this is beautiful. I really took these words and pressed them on my heart because we don’t know the future. The older I get the more everyday life surprises me, the more I understand how much of our existence really does depend on God, or whatever spirit you believe in. 

I snap these photos of my days and I can’t believe this life.




I think it’s called Imposter Syndrome, or Survivor Guilt. I look out at the ocean from Vince and Jackie’s condo and I can’t believe my life. I feel guilty - like I have to justify traveling, or going to amazing places. I want to say when I feel privilege flowing over me “I worked so hard to get here! And I agree - I don’t deserve it.” I feel like I need to tell people, “I saved 15% on this hotel.” Or, “I booked on Priceline.com that’s why I can afford to stay here, not because I really can.” But it is really isn’t that interesting and no one cares how much money I saved booking this holiday. I try to walk through cities and towns and breathe in everything so I can go back and tell everyone - so I can share with them and they can see it through me. I try to be truly present. I try to truly appreciate my life, but most days I can’t really believe it is mine. I am so afraid I will wake up one day to realize I have been dreaming and none of this is real.

Sort of like these weird plastic hats. Fake like a T-Rex I can pull over my face and run around with. Fake like a bird, or unicorn.

Every moment is given to me Inshallah. Every moment is a gift that I never expected and don’t think I have earned.


I pinch myself and find Nic before me dreaming of surf boards he will never ride because of sand, salt water, pain, and reality. But I stand next to him and let him dream because who knows? Maybe he will decide he is a beach person after all…


Maybe we need a surf board in Colorado?


Inshallah we will learn to surf. Inshallah we will not.

While I pondered the gifts of my life, Nic and I wandered around Legos for our last day. I had taken a run down to the beach where I have been slowly hauling every shell I find, along with all of the sand back to the condo. Nic and I popped around the shops and finished our last minute shopping.  And then I said goodbye to Portuguese wine.



These were the best olives of my life.


Over a beachside dinner I made Vince an offer I thought he could not refuse. 

Nic and I would volunteer to cat sit for him in his Portuguese condo while he and Jackie are back in the UK. When they decide to come visit their cat, I will clean it very well and pop on home to the US for a minute.

Vince was confused by this offer. “Deanna,” he said, “We don’t have a cat.”

“Yet.” I responded. “That can be fixed almost immediately. I was planning on adopting one for you. You’re welcome.”

Rather than thanking me for this generous offer of not only pet sitting, but ALSO selecting a cat for him and house breaking it - ALL free of charge. He said no. I am crestfallen. Vince was my last great hope for a cat on this trip and that dream is now shattered. I guess I can’t have it all. Instead we drank Sangria and I felt a little bit better about my rejection.



See? He’s definitely saying no. Look how excited Nic and I are? Maybe next year he will reconsider? Next year, Inshallah, I will adopt a cat with Nic and live in Vince’s house.

For now we are grateful for all Vince and Jackie have done for us. We had a perfect trip to Portugal. Tomorrow we head back to Spain on our Farewell Tour. Meanwhile my siblings are starting to congregate in Arizona, my own kids are packing their bags and finalizing their plans as we work on the next step of summer. I’m not done here yet. I have a few more days, Inshallah, to love Spain, then I will I head to Arizona, where Inshallah, I will love on my family.
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